My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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