I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
