we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
