32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
