my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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