And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
