he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
