You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
