i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
