Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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