He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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