i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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