My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
