I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
thus making me awesome and them whores
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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