shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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