I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize