JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
