i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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