i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i out mim tonsoeep
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