I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize