pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
