Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
