I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
