I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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