rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
