There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
