So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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