My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
