It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
