You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize