normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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