sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
