theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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