Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
