That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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