people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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