3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm too high and old for this...
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