I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
