apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize