Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
