I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm too high and old for this...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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