is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
