i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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