I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
