My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
