it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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