I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
