My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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