i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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