my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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