They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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