Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
