'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
