you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
