i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had sex on a roof
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
