I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize