Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
