she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
