just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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