bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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