What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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