he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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