I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
