3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
do nipples grow back?
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