Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
