I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
