Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.

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(212): View more from New York

lets start a swedish sibling band together

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

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(760): View more from California

She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore

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(815): View more from Illinois

I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.

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