awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
