So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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