Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
