yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
