none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
