u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
