Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
