You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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