Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
