You just made me feel so damn special
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
