someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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