shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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