i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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