I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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