it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
