i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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