$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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