hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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