I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
