i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
