I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize