The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
