i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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