I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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