I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
