i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
