I wish I could punch you in the face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
