Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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