First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
