The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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