His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
