fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
