He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize