twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i believe in u and ur pee
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
